Hello dolls, I know I am dragging my feet on here, but please bear with me, a woman has to joggle on alot of things. Okay so on our gist today its an interesting issue that many shy away from Its reality. Many people find it difficult to open up on this subject matter especially in Africa. Infidelity is on a rampant increase as the world is becoming a smaller place to live in. With so many 'options' one just cannot stop the heart. You think you are getting into an emotional affair? You suspect your partner has an extramarital affair? The rights and wrongs of these things have been debated extensively but one thing's for sure, they spell infidelity. They leave behind a lot of trauma and distress. Many a time, infidelity is the reason for broken families.
How long does the promise of 'I'll be faithful till death do us apart' really last for? Both for the male and female folks. Fallen out of love or simply not satisfied with the way things are working out? Whatever be the reason behind cheating, it sure makes me wonder how all the love slowly disappears for the once inseparable duo. The question isn't about why people cheat but the assumptions made by the by-standers and sadly even the people who have slowly fallen out with each other, they assume a lot on what the cause might and who is to blame.
While it is convenient to play the blame game, the truth is that one cannot really pinpoint the actual problem of infidelity. Who cheats more? Men, maybe, but, women are not far behind. For Men, the alter ego of 'It's a man's world' plays a vital role as much as Peer Pressure, staying in the company of cheaters definitely would have somewhat of an influence on one except a man with a high level of discipline and integrity. If you thought girls/women are all that sensitive, understanding dolls of the yester-years, you would have to reconsider your thoughts. Ladies these days are just as loud as the Men themselves. Coupled with the era of technology advancement the mobile device has increased the rates of cheating, with cyber sex, texting chatting on BBM, etc. (reminds me of Uche Jombo's Movie, FALSE...lol)
While it is convenient to play the blame game, the truth is that one cannot really pinpoint the actual problem of infidelity. Who cheats more? Men, maybe, but, women are not far behind. For Men, the alter ego of 'It's a man's world' plays a vital role as much as Peer Pressure, staying in the company of cheaters definitely would have somewhat of an influence on one except a man with a high level of discipline and integrity. If you thought girls/women are all that sensitive, understanding dolls of the yester-years, you would have to reconsider your thoughts. Ladies these days are just as loud as the Men themselves. Coupled with the era of technology advancement the mobile device has increased the rates of cheating, with cyber sex, texting chatting on BBM, etc. (reminds me of Uche Jombo's Movie, FALSE...lol)
Which just means that either of the spouse has his/her reasons for cheating.
Especially when you're parenting, you need your partner to be a reliable and steady presence. So when infidelity enters the picture, it can rock your whole world. Can you forgive cheating? Even after forgiving can the trust for your spouse ever remain the same?
So Sassy-To readers Click on the comment and share your opinion.
Waoh! SassyTo you have just hit the nail on the head..this is a 'not for discussion' issue in Nigeria and Africa at large. Like the song Fela sang suffering and smiling. Many would rather front the picture perfect family life while a lot happens in the homes. Many families would be better if Husband and wives can be open to one another. My take on this is that Infidelity happens most time when there is a vacuum between two pple.
ReplyDeleteMostly a communication gap. Then on if the marriage can be the same it's a thing of individual, if the cheater is ready to turn a new lea we can talk about why he did it, and he's sure of not repeating it. Why not?
ReplyDeleteNot now, not ever. That is the ultimate betrayal in my eyes. I went through this and there is no way I could ever forgive him. I could never trust him again and would have spent my life in a stressed state and looking over my shoulder. I didn't want to worry if he was going to the grocery store or going to see someone. Was he really stuck in traffic? Did he really have to work late? And so on. No one should live like that. Don't blame yourself. The most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on. Those who forgive the man and those men who forgive their women, are weak and afraid in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteHmmmI am reading a lot of comments about feeling like an unfaithful partner is an indication of that person's love/lack of love for the injured party. But what a lot of people are failing to realize is that cheating most often has absolutely NOTHING to do with the other spouse and EVERYTHING to do with battles being waged withing the partner struggling with this shortcoming. It's about the one who cheated.....not about the one who was hurt. I know that reality itself can only hurt more. But it more often than not has nothing to do with you. What DOES have to do with you is work you have to do on yourself.....not the cheating spouse.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely can and have. For better or worse....that's one of the worse. I married a falible human being and as soon as we think our marriages are above someone making monumental mistakes we set ourselves up for disaster that is sure to strike.
ReplyDeleteCan I do it under my own power? Absolutely not. It is only by the grace of God, admitting there is a problem, getting some help and loving support of family and friends that a marriage heals from infidelity.
I remember my mother saying, "You can and will get through this. You are right, your marriage will never be the same. But have you ever considered it just might be better?"
And she was totally right. Infidelity doesn't happen in a vaccuum....it is the last straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. There's always something that lead up to it. It's a symptom of the problem....not the whole problem.
When we allowed ourselves to take a good honest look at ourselves and our marriage, God replaced the shambles with a mansion that I am grateful for each and every day. Leaving would have solved nothing but drag my pain somewhere else.
It happned to me, and even if I say I've forgiven him, I
Deletestil don't trust him and as. Much as I want to move on, its really difficult to have sex with without the thought of it flashing down my mind.
It will really take d grace of God to forgive nd even if u eventually forgive,forgetting is another thing u hve to deal with which may take yrs or even forever. May God grant us d grace to remain faithful to our spouse.
ReplyDelete